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by Anonymous
Any one looking at all the cars and trucks going up and down the dirt tracks just off Springfield road last
Saturday must have wondered what was going on. People getting out of their vehicles scratching their heads,
waving their arms, pointing this way and that way,but no need for concern it was only an intrepid bunch of
hashers trying to find their make shift car park and the start of their hash run.
Why all the confusion? Well it probably had something to do with the fact that Sparky had only sent half the
directions to be sent out and then put some of the HHH signs pointing the wrong way and left the rest blowing
in the wind.
Eventually every one arrived, paid their dues and we were ready for the off. Every one apart from stake house
that is, he had phoned to say he was going to be late, probably following one of sparkys wayward signs and
half way to Bangkok.
The G.M Dave The Rave called order and asked the hares Sparky and Donkey Cock to tell us, or worn us may
be, about the run. Nooo Problem! said Donkey Cock its a bit long but that's why we are starting early we don,t
want anybody lost out there in the dark as he looked at Iron Lady who just looked from side to side??????
So off we sped, well the F.R.B,s sped and the rest of us plodded and dawdled as it was only 4.30 and still
quite hot. But soon we were in the shade of the woods and as we started to ascend the inevitable hills we
were cooled by a nice breeze.
In the end it turned out to be a very pleasant trail with most runners and walkers finishing in just over the hour,
the F.R.B,s a bit less. No body lost an no complaints
Apart from Chicken Legs who had gone off trail a bit and ended up coming in looking like the monster from
the black lagoon.
After every one had cooled down with a few beers or soft drinks the G.M called the circle and hash hush. This
was re enforced by Climax Change and his water canon
First to be called in to the circle were the hares Donkey Cock and Sparky and it seemed they had been
forgiven for the directions cock up (Now I understand why they are called the misdirections) The G.M then
called the visitors and virgins in to the circle for a down down and then had the F.R.B,s in for some of the
same.
Tom Jones was called in and sat on the ice for short cutting. His excuse was he had lost the trail but the G.M
wasn't having any of it and left him on the ice while he told a few jokes. Many of the hashers wanted to know
what time future hashes would start, some shouting for a 4.30 start and some for the 5pm. start. At this point
Ball Banger suggested as it's the same people that go to the two hashes we should have a vote. After a show
of hands it was 14 to 11 in favour of a 4.30 start.
So there you have it folks its a 4.30 start from now on said Dave The Rave
No No No! said Steak House we don't believe in voting (even though he had voted)
It was suggested he would make a good Thai politician.
At this point the G.M. closed the circle saying there's plenty of beer left.
After finishing the beer off a good group of us went to the on.on.on. at the Relax Bar where Noi had an
excellent buffet waiting for us and plenty more beer as well as some very friendly staff, and a good time was
had by all. Thank you Sparky and Noi for your hospitality.
P.S can some one tell us poor hashers what time do the runs start?
The latest Cha-Am hash saw diminished numbers meet just off the Pala-u Road on another stifling summer's day.
Dave the Rave, GM and Hare (along with Pink Lady) explained the course and said as it was flat (dictionary definition: having a
surface without slope, tilt in which no part is higher or lower than another by the way, Mr.GM) there would be a lot of checks.
Also, the system we would be using was the one that did not give you an 'F' for false trail but rather, the system that had to have
three 'blobs' of paper before a trail could be classed as true.
Hence, much of the run was accompanied by cries of "On One", "On Two", "Sh#t" "False Trail!".
After a nice long trail with at least half a dozen checks, it branched off to the right for runners and to the left for the walkers. Within a
few moments though, the runners had discovered the true sadistic nature of the Hares. The GM had told us in the circle that today
was the anniversary of the first conquest of Mount Everest in 1953.
It appeared this had influenced the last part of the course. Mountain goats could almost be seen turning away mumbling "that's
too bloody steep for me".
To add insult to injury, a message had been scrawled on the rocks at the top inviting runners to look down and watch the walkers
imbibing all the beer. However, very few saw the message or the "short cut" which led to a sheer drop as most runners skirted
away before the "hill".
When the runners returned Auntie Climax managed to find enough second wind to berate the hare for sending him so high
without a parachute but was calmed quickly with a large Leo.
With all back safely the circle was opened but it was a very small turnout as the more penny pinching-members had decided that
despite this being a T shirt run (and quite splendid shirts they are too, well done Dave the Rave and Climax Change) they would
rather sit at home and kick the dog than help the kennel's funds.
In the circle, the GM introduced his new "whipping boy" who this week was Cathusalem whose unenviable task was to drink the
GM's beer for every down down.
Chicken Legs was presented with the "Hash Sh#t" award for apparently not much other than being Chicken Legs.
As darkness fell the circle closed.
Most participants adjourned to Phoenix Bar for a wonderful FREE buffet and by 9.30 most (especially the whipping boy) were in
very merry mood and much singing and dancing was evident.
Dave the Rave, GM and Hare (along with Pink Lady) explained the course and said as it was flat (dictionary definition: having a
surface without slope, tilt in which no part is higher or lower than another by the way, Mr.GM) there would be a lot of checks.
Also, the system we would be using was the one that did not give you an 'F' for false trail but rather, the system that had to have
three 'blobs' of paper before a trail could be classed as true.
Hence, much of the run was accompanied by cries of "On One", "On Two", "Sh#t" "False Trail!".
After a nice long trail with at least half a dozen checks, it branched off to the right for runners and to the left for the walkers. Within a
few moments though, the runners had discovered the true sadistic nature of the Hares. The GM had told us in the circle that today
was the anniversary of the first conquest of Mount Everest in 1953.
It appeared this had influenced the last part of the course. Mountain goats could almost be seen turning away mumbling "that's
too bloody steep for me".
To add insult to injury, a message had been scrawled on the rocks at the top inviting runners to look down and watch the walkers
imbibing all the beer. However, very few saw the message or the "short cut" which led to a sheer drop as most runners skirted
away before the "hill".
When the runners returned Auntie Climax managed to find enough second wind to berate the hare for sending him so high
without a parachute but was calmed quickly with a large Leo.
With all back safely the circle was opened but it was a very small turnout as the more penny pinching-members had decided that
despite this being a T shirt run (and quite splendid shirts they are too, well done Dave the Rave and Climax Change) they would
rather sit at home and kick the dog than help the kennel's funds.
In the circle, the GM introduced his new "whipping boy" who this week was Cathusalem whose unenviable task was to drink the
GM's beer for every down down.
Chicken Legs was presented with the "Hash Sh#t" award for apparently not much other than being Chicken Legs.
As darkness fell the circle closed.
Most participants adjourned to Phoenix Bar for a wonderful FREE buffet and by 9.30 most (especially the whipping boy) were in
very merry mood and much singing and dancing was evident.
Hash Report #129
26 June 2010
by Dave the Rave
Here's the report of Saturday's run which i did not actually go on as i had a bad back
caused by helping move heavy furniture for my soon to be, next door neighbour's Wallis and Gromit. They haven't
moved in yet and I'm already pissed off with them.
But they are moving in to Hollow Legs old house i can forgive anything,better than have him moving back next door
to me.
Ho yes, back to the run. It was a great car park ! Enormous! You could have held the Inter Hash on it . The iron
man Onefore was haring again helping Mud Man who's description of the run started to look as if it was going to be
longer than the run itself. He then asked for a show of hands for who would be going to the on.on.on, hands shot
up as well as other things as soon as he mentioned a new establishment with cheap beer and friendly serving
ladies. So off went the marauding hashers chasing paper as they do, and i was left alone with my bad back and the
beer.
happy skippers to collapsing wrecks.
After much drinking and friendly banter the circle was duly called by me the G.M.
It was voted a good run and the hares were down downed with thanks.
The visitors and virgins were called in to the circle and welcomed in hash tradition as were the returners and our
new hasher Anna was hash named Fog Horn for obvious reasons. Climax Change was iced for being a departer,
going all the way back to England for a piss up .The circle closed and most hashers charged off to the on.on.on. to
new hasher Anna was hash named Fog Horn for obvious reasons. Climax Change was iced for being a departer,
get to the friendly ladies and cheap beer
on.on.
D/T/R,
26 June 2010
by Dave the Rave
Here's the report of Saturday's run which i did not actually go on as i had a bad back
caused by helping move heavy furniture for my soon to be, next door neighbour's Wallis and Gromit. They haven't
moved in yet and I'm already pissed off with them.
But they are moving in to Hollow Legs old house i can forgive anything,better than have him moving back next door
to me.
Ho yes, back to the run. It was a great car park ! Enormous! You could have held the Inter Hash on it . The iron
man Onefore was haring again helping Mud Man who's description of the run started to look as if it was going to be
longer than the run itself. He then asked for a show of hands for who would be going to the on.on.on, hands shot
up as well as other things as soon as he mentioned a new establishment with cheap beer and friendly serving
ladies. So off went the marauding hashers chasing paper as they do, and i was left alone with my bad back and the
beer.
happy skippers to collapsing wrecks.
After much drinking and friendly banter the circle was duly called by me the G.M.
It was voted a good run and the hares were down downed with thanks.
The visitors and virgins were called in to the circle and welcomed in hash tradition as were the returners and our
new hasher Anna was hash named Fog Horn for obvious reasons. Climax Change was iced for being a departer,
going all the way back to England for a piss up .The circle closed and most hashers charged off to the on.on.on. to
new hasher Anna was hash named Fog Horn for obvious reasons. Climax Change was iced for being a departer,
get to the friendly ladies and cheap beer
on.on.
D/T/R,
Hash Report #130
The Saturday Hash did not get off to a great start as all of us had problems decoding Chicken Legs cryptic mis directions.
Eventually most of us managed to find our way to the car park and after a bit of a rush to get our subs paid the G.M called
circle up and invited the hares Chicken Legs and Fighting Cock to give us the details of the run. The run according to the
hares was a nice mix of footpaths, fields and the odd small hill. The trail was laid half in shredded paper and half in toilet
paper and would cross a black top road on the way out and again on the way in. That was as clear as mud to most of us
but not to be deterred off we set in the direction of the paper.
The pack soon started to spread out over the flat ground but with the help of a few clever checks and hash calls of on.on.
from the front running Fog Horn, echoing over the hill side every one managed to get back to the car park around about
the same time.50mins. to one hr. Excellent trail laying one has to say. ! Well done guys !
The smouldering rumbles of the Enigma Code misdirections started to concede as every one had to agree it was a good
run. This was shouted out by every body when the G.M Dave The Rave called the circle to order.
( Every body that is apart from Long Ron and Tom Jones with a car load of hashers that could not find their way to the
hash in the first place, probably made a detour to Bletchley. That's a WW2. joke, Long Ron should understand it.)
The G.M called visitors and virgins in to the circle and they were welcomed in hash tradition with a down down and the
hash song. Bog Diver a visitor from the Bangkok hash told the story about how he hid a live ten foot crocodile on a hash
trail. ! Now that's what I call a hash !. Cathusalem and Iron Lady were called in as departing hashers and
Cathusalem was presented with a dog collar and lead for the iron lady.I"m not sure if it was meant to be used to stop his
wife from getting lost or it was to be used in the bedroom . Cathuselam said it was such a long time since he had sex he
couldn't remember who tied who up. We then had the pleasure of seeing the lovely lady Apple called in to the circle to get
a hash name. The G.M suggested we stay with the fruit or Apple theme. The circle started to offer suggestions .The
name Pink Lady was offered but that name is already taken. What about Granny Smith, no that won"t do at all said the
G.M. In the end the unanimous call was for Golden Delicious.
A lovely name for a lovely lady, and so she was duly named along with her lovely baby daughter hash named Orange
Pippin.
The G.M then called the not so lovely Chicken Legs in and iced him for trying to pass the hash shit on to people for minor
misdemeanours. he was then posthumously awarded the hash bra for not getting permission from the hash cash before
announcing a free on.on.on at the Phoenix Bar.
As dusk started to close in on this Merry band, the G.M duly closed the circle.
A few hashers not deterred by the onset of night fall stayed with the beer truck to see if they could drink it dry. The rest had
buggered off to the Phoenix Bar for the free nosh on .on or is it on.on.on.?
The Saturday Hash did not get off to a great start as all of us had problems decoding Chicken Legs cryptic mis directions.
Eventually most of us managed to find our way to the car park and after a bit of a rush to get our subs paid the G.M called
circle up and invited the hares Chicken Legs and Fighting Cock to give us the details of the run. The run according to the
hares was a nice mix of footpaths, fields and the odd small hill. The trail was laid half in shredded paper and half in toilet
paper and would cross a black top road on the way out and again on the way in. That was as clear as mud to most of us
but not to be deterred off we set in the direction of the paper.
The pack soon started to spread out over the flat ground but with the help of a few clever checks and hash calls of on.on.
from the front running Fog Horn, echoing over the hill side every one managed to get back to the car park around about
the same time.50mins. to one hr. Excellent trail laying one has to say. ! Well done guys !
The smouldering rumbles of the Enigma Code misdirections started to concede as every one had to agree it was a good
run. This was shouted out by every body when the G.M Dave The Rave called the circle to order.
( Every body that is apart from Long Ron and Tom Jones with a car load of hashers that could not find their way to the
hash in the first place, probably made a detour to Bletchley. That's a WW2. joke, Long Ron should understand it.)
The G.M called visitors and virgins in to the circle and they were welcomed in hash tradition with a down down and the
hash song. Bog Diver a visitor from the Bangkok hash told the story about how he hid a live ten foot crocodile on a hash
trail. ! Now that's what I call a hash !. Cathusalem and Iron Lady were called in as departing hashers and
Cathusalem was presented with a dog collar and lead for the iron lady.I"m not sure if it was meant to be used to stop his
wife from getting lost or it was to be used in the bedroom . Cathuselam said it was such a long time since he had sex he
couldn't remember who tied who up. We then had the pleasure of seeing the lovely lady Apple called in to the circle to get
a hash name. The G.M suggested we stay with the fruit or Apple theme. The circle started to offer suggestions .The
name Pink Lady was offered but that name is already taken. What about Granny Smith, no that won"t do at all said the
G.M. In the end the unanimous call was for Golden Delicious.
A lovely name for a lovely lady, and so she was duly named along with her lovely baby daughter hash named Orange
Pippin.
The G.M then called the not so lovely Chicken Legs in and iced him for trying to pass the hash shit on to people for minor
misdemeanours. he was then posthumously awarded the hash bra for not getting permission from the hash cash before
announcing a free on.on.on at the Phoenix Bar.
As dusk started to close in on this Merry band, the G.M duly closed the circle.
A few hashers not deterred by the onset of night fall stayed with the beer truck to see if they could drink it dry. The rest had
buggered off to the Phoenix Bar for the free nosh on .on or is it on.on.on.?
